Meeting up with an ex recently, I quickly learned two things: #1 – He’s either not over me or he really, Really, REALLY wants to show me how ‘over me’ he is and #2 – He’s having three-ways with his new girlfriend.
I think I was supposed to be jealous and embittered by his revelation but my natural curiosity simply had me questioning how they went about making it happen in the first place. Perched on the edge of my seat, I berated him with question after question: Male or female? How do you find them? What are the rules? Are there any rules? Your house or a hotel? Why stop at a 3-way when a 4-way or 5-way is more original? Most importantly – what’s the appropriate level of alcoholism required to carry it all out?
My ex, genuinely taken aback and surprised by my interest, stammered out answers to all my questions. It turns out that the third person in their ménage-a-trois typically belongs to an exclusive group that I like to categorize as ‘anyone’. Any female tipsy enough at an after hours club and willing to ‘try something new’ at least.
What actually surprised me was that he’d only been dating the girl for two months before they started bringing in a ringer. So either he’s not enough for her or she’s not enough for him, HA! (Ok, definitely a vengeful ex comment on my part, sorry!)
Previously, he and I had joked about it, talked about it and even laughed aloud about possible third parties. I would veto choosing amongst my friends (several of whom he would have liked to include) and he did the same amongst his (and trust me, he had some cuties in his posse, woo!). He even went so far as to try to find a suitable third in the ever-discriminating online world (I heavily vetoed). The discussions were always fun, always ended in giggles and always stayed far, far away from reality in the safe realm of fantasy. Also, all of these discussions took place 2+ years into our relationship and after our 500th date, not after barely a month of getting to know each other.
So is this new school? Old school? Is everyone doing it and I’m simply out of fashion? And to think that I thought I was cool when I bought my new designer purse (my first!). Apparently if I was really cool I would have asked the cashier and her male colleague over to my place to celebrate my new purchase with lots of free pouring champagne.
As the ex-girlfriend, I’m not sure what a suitable reaction is in this situation. I would assume it should range anywhere from “Ewwww gross!” to “Hey, if you ever need a third…” Instead, I am genuinely happy for them and am pleased they’ve found a shared interest in perfect strangers and hope they grow closer over their decisions regarding random hook-up spots. After all, according to experts, making decisions together and sharing common interests are the pillars to any lasting relationship.
All the best!