Please, oh please, won’t you be my anti-valentine?

  • Milk chocolates in heart shaped boxes

    Don't mind if I do

  • Crayola crayons
  • Colouring books
  • Heart shaped pancakes
  • Sliced strawberries
  • Pink and red heart shaped jujubes
  • Silver heart necklaces
  • Pink and red flowers
  • Cards filled with love
  • Pink skipping ropes
  • and piles and piles of red cinnamon hearts

No, this isn’t a list compiled of gifts from lovers past (heck, it’s too dang short!). Instead, it’s a list of the fun stuff I remember waking up to every February 14th growing up.

At a young age, I equated Christmas to Valentine’s Day. Had someone suggested I write a letter to St Cupid, I might have done it. Those letters would certainly be different today: Dear cupid, I’ve been good (well good enough) this year. Please send me Morris Chestnut in boxer briefs. If he’s busy, then please send Antonio Sabato Jr…. sans briefs. Thank you.

My warm, fuzzy memories of February 14ths past are mostly good, warm, fuzzy ones. That’s what Valentine’s Day (hereby known as the ‘Day of Love’) means to me – gifts, goodies, hugs and smiles.

This is also why I never understood or got into the Anti-Valentine’s Day movement.

How can you be against a day meant for hearts and kisses and love and chocolates? Add alcohol to that equation and I’ll heart you for life.  Sure it’s commercialized to the max but so is Momma’s day and Poppa’s day and there’s no anti movement for those.

These anti Day of Love folks are wrong. Years of listening to their propaganda has never affected me or dampened my love-loving spirit. Even after a few failed Days of Love of my own (I loved, they failed) I’ve always been happy to believe that:

Life with love is grand!

Crushes are wonderful!

Everything’s great when love is in the air!

So happy was I to blindly believe it all. That is, up until today.

The set up

Who needs tall, good looking, highly educated and motivated men anyways, right? RIGHT?? What are the rules involved in this love thing anyway? I’m strong willed and independent, darn it. So if I like a guy, it should be okay to tell him that, right? Especially if I want to. Especially, especially if he tells you first. I want to text him and yell at him via text:

Sample Text: HEY! REMEMBER ME?!

The back story

I have, count em. 1,2, 3, THREE boys (men, blah, whatever) that I could call up right now and tell them to take me out for Valentines Day (hereby known as ‘that Day to Loathe’) and they would. I’m a strong willed, independent female and thus take what I want and leave back what I don’t (for examples, see boys 1 thru 3). Yet, of course, it’s boy #4 that I want. I probably want him more too because he’s completely ignoring me.

Sample text: STOP IGNORING ME!

Damn him for being so gorgeous. Argh. I’ve never liked pretty boys and with good reason too.   Tall, pretty ones with hard bodies, sinewy muscles, and deep dark eyes that you can just sink into, in particular. Those are the ones to watch out for. Add to that  – great looking mouths and amazing lips. The kind you just want to kiss for a long, long time.  Sigh.

Yah, who needs all THAT?  Not me I tells ya. I don’t need it at all.  NOT ME!

Sample text: I NEED YOU. CALL ME!

Sure boys 1 thru 3 range from beer goggles good looking to actually good looking but personality is key for me. Your personality is what shines thru and makes you amazing. I would happily take a bubbly Jack Black over a surly Brad Pitt any day. (Disclaimer: This assumes that Brad Pitt is surly, which he is not. This is just in case Brad is reading this. Brad, if you’re reading this and recently single – call me.) So if our personalities don’t mesh well (this means you bore me and fail to amuse me on any level) then there’s no future for us as anything (it’s definitely not me, it’s soooo you).

Which brings us to today

Perfectly timed, while searching once again thru life’s new testament (aka the Internet), I came across uncalled-for advice by way of the release of a new book titled Marry Him: The Case for Settling for Mr. Good Enough.  In it, the author advices how to find one really good, but imperfect, partner and to build up his equity (read: change him) over the years to match your ideal.  This inspired me to do a quick online search of “Are your standards too high?” Turns out most people’s standards actually are unreasonably higher than should be expected.

My (revised) ideal guy:

  1. I guess he doesn’t have to be tall
  2. Good looking? To each his own and in the eye of the beerholder and all that. Uniqueness reigns supreme.
  3. I can certainly bend the rules on physically fit. More to love, right?
  4. I never said rich but being successful or good at something would be nice. I guess just wanting to be good at something would work
  5. Funny? Good sense of humour? I can be funny enough for the two of us (Hope you like sarcasm…No, that wasn’t meant to be sarcastic)
  6. Adventurous? Adventure could equal danger. Perhaps it’s best that he stays home and in one spot.

In review

Looks like what I should be searching for in my ideal starter guy is an unfunny, unsuccessful, ugly, short, fat wannabe who’s good at nothing. Hmmmm. I do love a challenge so this is certainly tempting but to be honest I would have to say that if this is the case then forget it.

I’d rather be single.

Image sources:

bite me
Valentine’s Day sucks
Leave the psycho
VD Card
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2 thoughts on “Please, oh please, won’t you be my anti-valentine?

  1. Jin, Jin,

    I held my breath for a second – no! no! no! – she is lowering her standards but then as always you came through..

    I read this quote once – “The trouble with some women is they get all excited about nothing, and then they marry him.”
    urgh…….

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