Looking through my old files, I came across one of (many) attempts at novel writing. I love cool discoveries and don’t even remember when I wrote this.
Personally, I don’t know how I feel about it but I do need some constructive criticism on it. I already have the outline for the rest of it in my head and I would place this excerpt at around chapter 3 or 4 or so.
I respectfully request your help.
Read it. If you like it, great! Let me know. If you don’t like it, that’s okay too and still let me know. I just want and need your honest opinion. I’m inviting you to play the role of novel critic. How many chances do you get to do that?
I think a contest is in order here.
Write your comments in the comments section below or email them to me @ email@example.com
There must be at least 25 entries (via comments section below and/or email) for the contest to be valid. The winner will receive a $25 Visa Gift card, redeemable anywhere VISA is accepted.
I’ve tentatively titled it ‘Rebound Girl’ but that can always change based on my whims.
Go ahead now, read on:
Chapter 3: Julianne
It’s 5am and I should be asleep right now. I have to get up in 3 hours to get ready for work so getting back to sleep right away is imperative.
Any second now.
I need to sleep.
Sighing, I give up and try to move but I fall back almost immediately. I forgot. He’s still here. He spent the night. His arm is a dead weight across my chest and it’s pining me down. I settle in and hope to use his body noises to lull me back to sleep. I can hear his heart beating and I can feel his gentle breath against the back of my neck. As I listen closer, his heart starts to beat erratically and his breathing becomes quick and shallow. Secretly, I hope it stops completely. I don’t know why but his beating heart annoys me. His breathing annoys me. I want it to stop and for him to go away. I also want it to mean more to me than it does. If I can make this work, then I’m set for life. I can focus on everything else I’ve always wanted in life. I can check this off the list and settle in. Which is what I want.
I think I love him but I don’t know. I don’t know where the anger came from when I left him and I don’t know if it will come back. Looking for new boys is so much fun. At least when it’s working. When it’s not working – not so much. Having that one person who gets you is so important and hard to find. Those inside jokes; sharing intimate details of your life; and all the laughter and smiles that come with it.
He doesn’t get me.
He also has a girlfriend.
I can’t make him give up his girlfriend because I don’t know what I want and to make him leave her means I would be back in that space. I think it was better when I didn’t know what was going on. Now I know too much. I’m addicted to the knowledge. It’s become an obsession. A drug I crave and now can’t live without. It hurts me terribly but it also gives me a sadistic high to know about them without them knowing that I know. I make him do things for me too. As punishment of course. His guilty conscious has filled my wardrobe with designer dresses and high end shoes. His impure thoughts have sent us to some of the priciest restaurants in town.
Playing innocent is such fun.
I wonder sometimes if I’m the wife or the mistress in this.
The wifey or the whore.
The wifey knows all but also knows she has the power. The whore is in the know too but is delusional about her place. She wants to be the wifey but will never be. I secretly go through all his stuff now.
He loves her, his emails say.
She’s his girlfriend, he texts to her.
But she hasn’t met his family yet and she wants to. Though his emails keep pushing it back. Many excuses as to why she can’t. I know the real reason though. It’s because he still wants me. He still wants to be with me. I have his heart. I am his heart. I am his past, his first big love and his future. I am everything he wants but can’t have. He tried to own me before and I fled. She’s just the rebound girl. He was using her to get over me and now that I’m back, he’s using her to get back at me. I’m sure she’s cute, she seems sweet and I bet she’s a lot of fun but his heart isn’t there. It can’t be. It’s still with me.
But now he’s lying to me too. He’s lying to us both.
What do I want? I don’t know.
I want it all and I want it badly. I want the safety and the freedom. The comfort and the excitement. The love and the lust.
I don’t want to make a decision I‘ll regret. I’ve broken his heart too many times. If he wants to be with her then all this will come to an end eventually. The relief will settle in and then the tears will flow. Hearts will break. Dreams will be broken. New ones will form. A new life will begin. My life can begin. I’ll be very happy for them.
I’ll be so very happy for the very happy couple.
Checking the clock: 5:45AM.
I turn slightly in bed and gaze at his face. He looks so peaceful. So handsome. His long lashes flutter while he sleeps.
Suddenly, his eyes slip open. He looks dreamily at me and smiles. His eyes slide closed again as I smile back and he tightens his grip on me.
A love grip. Or a death grip.
A love grip I decide. I settle in. Content for the moment.
They won’t last anyway, I say to myself.
She’s just the rebound girl and the rebound girl never wins.
So there you have it. Love it? Hate it? Locked safely in neutral? Either way, let me know your reaction(s). Don’t be shy, I welcome your constructive criticism or outlandish praise. Once again, submit your comments below or via email to firstname.lastname@example.org. Good or bad, positive or negative, up versus down, one thing’s definitely for sure.
There’s more to come. 😉