The Anatomy of a Girl’s Night Out

Ok. I get it. You want the details. I get numerous emails, texts and blackberry pins on the subject so I think it’s finally time to break the silence and break it down for those of you NOT in the know.

If you’ve ever gone to a bar or club and thought ‘I just don’t get the appeal’ this probably means one of 2 things:
1. You just don’t get the appeal
2. You’re probably not doing it right

Regardless, it’s time to learn all about what goes on and what goes into a great Girls Night Out. Hint: It’s part art, part science, but definitely all you.

I. What not to wear

If you feel fabulous in it, wear it. Your ensemble is 40% actual style and 60% confidence. If you can convince the crowd that suspenders with a bikini top are the ‘it’ items to wear this season then by all means wear it and wear it well.

Oooo. Does this come in pink?

Like everything in life, it all starts with attitude. Bring a positive one please. Are you looking to have a good time? Do you want to meet new and/or interesting people? (Trust me. Not always the same thing). Or are you going to be that sour bitch in the corner again? (You know who I’m talking ‘bout…)

II. Who’s with me?

Bring along drama free, fun-loving gal pals. Small numbers are always best. Think four ladies or less. This makes it easier to get into…everywhere. More is only merrier for birthday parties (more people to buy you drinks) or angry mobs (more people to yell at those select few not buying you drinks). Feel free to switch it up and add some newbies to the mix. Fresh blood always creates a stir. Good or bad, you’ll definitely have something (or someone) to talk about at brunch the next day (“Did you see what the new girl did on the stage with that beer bottle? O.M.G.”)

III. Let’s get it started

$20 for 2L of Crystal Palace vodka. Gawd bless America!

Even celebrities pre drink. No girl wants to pay for alcohol (gawd forbid!) so the next best thing is to buy it in bulk and get the party started at someone’s house before you go out. Alcohol serves to relax the uptight and open up the close-minded. This step, however, is not always necessary because some people don’t require it to be fun and others are actually worse when given a drink (like giving water to a gremlin after midnight worse).

Drinking is always optional. Having a positive attitude is not. Also, please do all your eating here. The only food you’re allowed to have from now until brunch tomorrow is whatever garnish comes with your free drinks (little umbrellas for dessert, yay!).

Game Plan: Drink until it’s time to go out or until the bottles run dry (whichever comes first). If you’ve mastered ‘location, location, location’ (see below) then it won’t matter what time you show up.

IV. Location, location, location

Here’s where being a ‘regular’ pays off. Ideally, you want to achieve the Girls Night Out ‘hat-trick’: bypass the long lines, bypass paying cover, and bypass paying for drinks. A Stanley Cup worthy achievement. The connections you’ve made over the years should help you to  accomplish all three goals. As a small group of smiling, well-dressed, positive-attitude-having chicks, you should be able to slip into anywhere easily.

No connections, no problem. Send forth the wiliest and the hottest in your crew (whoever’s wearing something short and/or low cut) to the gatekeepers and have them work their magic. Wait 2 minutes, meet them at the front and follow them in.


V. Are we having fun yet?

Of course you are.

Here’s the part that’s more art than science. You look great, you’re dressed well, you feel good and you’ve got your positive attitude on full blast. The fun should literally come to you. If you’re still not having a good time then at some point you’re going to have to make one happen. Don’t question it. Just get to it already.

Fun Enhancing Quick Tips:

  • Dance.  If that’s too boring for you then go dance on something. Like a table, a speaker, a ledge or a hot bouncer
  • Smile
  • Take a walk around. See if you recognize anyone
  • Don’t sit. Stand. Sitting makes you sleepy. Plus you always look better when vertical. Also, to those of you who care about height, this is the easiest way to see how you match up
  • Smile
  • Talk to your girls. Take the time to re connect and find out what they’ve been up to
  • Bored? Walk around again. The music’s getting remixed and so are the people
  • Go to the ladies’ room and make friends with the person in front of you. At the very least, her weird story will make you feel better or give you something to contribute at brunch the next day
  • Dance some more. If you can’t have fun, at least you can burn off the calories from all the garnishes you’ve eaten (pigging out on lemons & limes, are you?)
  • Eavesdrop. When done in a bar its completely acceptable. Feel free to add your two cents worth to strangers’ conversations. It’s practically expected here.

Still not having a good time? You might need to drink more. People are way less annoying after you’ve had a few. If all else fails – just go home because your sour face is just ruining it for the rest of us, you whiney brat. (Nelley’s version of tough love)

VI. Closing time

The blaring, florescent ugly lights have come on.  Time to take inventory of your girls and to get a good look at whomever you’ve been chatting with for the past little while.

Obviously has a great sense of humour

Tip: Like what you see? Give him your number. If he looks like an uglier version of Uncle Fester, take HIS number instead (of course I’ll call you, baby. You have a great personality behind all that ugly…)

If you can’t immediately locate your crew, be sure to check your phone for any missed calls/texts. This can tell you where they are or more importantly, the location of the after party. Which brings us to…

Choose your own adventure time. You can either:

A: Go to bed: (Note, I never said your own… heh heh heh) Or go home! Nothing beats your own bed for cleanliness and comfort

B: After hours bars: Typically open till 8am or later (earlier?). If you have the cash to pay another cover, this new location will introduce you to the other side to the city. Unnatural mood enhancers are plentiful and everyone is obviously on them. What you choose to do is up to you. (Nelley doesn’t judge!)

C. After hours party: These take place in penthouses and various apartments around the city. They’re reminiscent of the pre drinking party…only they take place about 8 hours later and can last until noon. Pack a toothbrush.

D. Late night eats: The only time Denny’s or Burger King can become your preferred restaurant choice. I don’t recommend, but if you don’t want the night to end, this becomes a last minute, inexpensive option.

VII. Recap

Finally we come to my favourite part – Brunch. Mmmmmm. Some girlfriends and I used to frequent this well known greasy spoon where the flamboyantly gay owners jokingly and joyously greeted us each week with: “Welcome back you filthy whores!” or “It’s good to see you ladies standing upright!”. Sigh. Memories.

Mmmm. Sweet with a side of spicy gossip!

Brunch is where you get to dish about last night’s activities over a dish of Belgian waffles (Who’d you meet? Where’d you go? Did you see where the new girl disappeared to with that weirdo?). This part is sometimes more fun than the night itself.  It doesn’t matter if your own night was uneventful by comparison, you now get to relive it through the eyes of someone’s night that was (By the way, did anyone hear from the new girl today?).

VIII. And that’s a wrap

This has been your beginner lesson on how to have a fun-filled Girls Night Out. It’s simple, it’s easy and most importantly, when done correctly, it shouldn’t cost you a thing. To learn more about VIP sections, after-hours etiquette, foam parties, scoring free limousine rides and the art of the 90’s song request, you’ll have to sign up for my more advanced, Las Vegas based courses. If interested, please let me know. In the meantime,

See you Friday..



Hey! I’ve updated my ‘About Me’ section. Take a look through and leave a comment. Thanks!

.Uncle Fester image source

.Belgian waffle image source

The anatomy of a Girl’s Night Out

One thought on “The Anatomy of a Girl’s Night Out

  1. Pingback: The L.A. Experience « Living, with 'Nelley

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