To half-ass (verb):
- The act of doing something without motivation or care.
- A rushed task the person could have done better. (Courtesy urbandictionary.com.)
As I said in 2010, I’m not one to make resolutions. I’m partial to predictions, which are much more accurate (especially when you make up your own and make them really, really vague). My belief is the things you resolve to do on January 1st are things you should be doing throughout the year anyway. After all, no one ever resolves to exercise less or to start drinking more (unless, of course, they mean to start drinking more of the good stuff in which case, woo hoo! Join me for Grey Goose Mondays!)
Why the whole ass?
So although I’m against resolutions (ewww!!) I was inspired to change for 2011 by the 2010 movie Unstoppable, starring Denzel Washington, in which a train is left to run on the tracks, unattended, at full speed due to the half assed efforts of someone not doing their job.
This movie seemed realistic in portraying how someone’s half assed attitude and efforts in life can, potentially, lead to disaster. What if we pretended that everything we did could be like that runaway train: If we put all our efforts into everything we do, we can prevent catastrophes. But when we don’t… (insert catastrophic life event here).
Kinda puts things in perspective, eh?
We’ve all experienced situations where people have given us half an ass and it’s certainly made us angry. These situations are more apparent in direct service driven industries (fast food restaurants, etc.) where the results of half an ass are obvious and immediate.
Aren’t you sick of being smarter than the food counter person serving you cold fries, soggy lettuce or even the wrong burger?n (I said I wanted a McGangbang dammit! That means put the whole dang McChicken in between the cheeseburgers. Is that so hard??)
New for 2011
C’mon and join me on this journey. Look back at 2010 and ask yourself: Is my resume accurate? Did I always give 110%? (physics be dammed!) Could I have done more in (insert life event here) to make the (insert life event here) better?
Luckily my half assed efforts have done me well so far. With only half an ass I’ve managed to:
- Get an honours business degree
- Learn a second language (and I”m currently half assedly working on a 3rd and 4th.)
- Start a blog! (you’re reading it, yay!)
- Get a job (plus a couple great 2nd and 3rd ones too!)
- Drop 40lbs (and literally lose a half ass)
- Solve world peace (but because I was only half ass’ing it, I forgot to write it down so I forget the solution. Dammit!)
- And some other stuff too but who really wants to brag about half assed efforts??
Review your own list too and amaze yourself with what half your ass has accomplished thus far (and what the other half could potentially do too!).
My 2009 & 2010 mottos were ‘No excuses’ followed by ‘No sympathy’ and continuing along these themes, I’m adding this for 2011: Put your whole ass in!
Forget a list of 10+ ridiculous items to
fail at achieve (don’t resolve to quit smoking, just accept an early death, woo) and free your mind with this simple mindset for 2011: do you best, try your hardest, put in the effort and put forth your whole ass in everything you do. Just imagine what we’ll accomplish in 2011! The plan, as always, is to succeed but even if I fail at something along the way…
At least I did it with my whole ass.
Click here for funny 2011 resolutions
Related half assed terms:
Halfassidness (adj.): The quality of being half assed the resultant perception of an individual–or group of individuals–being slothful, ignorant or apathetic.
Halfassitude (adj.): One who has a half-ass attitude towards things, usually due to lack of interest
Halfasstination (adj): To procrastinate knowing that when the deadline comes, you will only be able to do a half-assed job.