The Break-Up Guide

As a perpetually single and fun-loving gal, I’ve developed many relationships in my time. To me, everyone you meet in your daily comings and goings has the potential to be a great friend, a reliable resource, a game show lifeline, a credible witness, a useful alibi, a late night contact, a partner in crime, an ex lover, a business networking contact, or even your soul mate (or ‘one of the ones’ as my friend puts it). So unless you’re rude, a moron, or grossly and repulsively unattractive, into my contact list you go.

Never one to waste time differentiating,  I mentally lump all those I meet into the same generic pile: maybes. A growing list of potentials I can one day refer to in my normal (Need name of a local strip bar: call Jeremy) and/or criminal dealings (Need a black market kidney ASAP: call Bucky).

But here’s the twist

So maybe you were hoping for a relationship or maybe one just happens to fall in your lap, but what happens to this list of maybes you were holding onto when your social status suddenly moves from being single to being ‘in a relationship’.

Now what?

These days, your phone book contact list is essentially your electronic little black book: a listing of past, present and future, um, ‘potentials’. So what’s the best way to inform them all about your newfound joy?

  • Do you send out a broadcast email?
  • Call them all up to let them know?
  • Do you post it on Facebook?
  • Set up rendezvousc with each of them to break it to them gently?
  • Send out a tweet?

The female consensus was simple: Whenever a maybe makes contact, you can do one of the following:

  • Casually drop the ‘I’m taken’ message somewhere in the conversation
  • Kindly inform them of your new relationship status via reply text
  • Compliment them but inform them that you’re no longer interested in pursuing anything
  • Deflect any non-friendship messages/implications and keep it platonic (Him:You’re hot. You:Why yes it is hot. Global warming is no myth. What are you thoughts on it?)

However, according to the male perspective, the female consensus is not only ridiculous, it’s useless too (gee, thanks).

Not understanding why, my male resource then explained it to me. To help illustrate, I decided to use this forwarded email my mom sent me so all us females will get it:

 

The Male consensus: Cease all contact.

Don’t respond, don’t email and don’t answer any phone calls. It may sound cold, it may seem mean but it’s the only way to drive in your point without leading anyone in the wrong direction. Any response indicates interest on your part and if you have no interest in pursuing anything, then the best thing to do is nothing at all. No contact, no replies, and definitely no alcohol fuelled meetups. No-thing!

Final bit of male advice: If you do feel some crazy female-like need and insist that you must, Must, MUST respond in some way; there’s only one guaranteed message you can send: Tell ’em you’re pregnant…

You’ll never hear from ’em again.

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And just to be fair, women-speak was in there too 😉 

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5 thoughts on “The Break-Up Guide

  1. sometimes you find people when your not looking for people whan you are single but now would you have found them when your a couple probably not becasue you would not be looking for love someone unless you kinda bad and have loads of lovers

  2. i have to love myself thats the best way to get love well kind of for the time being im sure someone will find you theres loads of bloggers out there and even more searching high and low in intrest i search for fairytale love like a kid if you have any idears point me in the right direction i wish life was like that and the magic wand comes out

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