The End is Nigh!

Well the end of the year is nigh, at least.  So nigh, in fact, it’s pretty much here already. By the time you read this line, there will be less than 2 weeks till the ball drops for 2011. Rather than dropping the ball and waiting for Jan 1, 2011 myself (how passé!) I want to be the first to drop my 2010 Retrospective highlighting one top  post from each month. So without further adieu, I present to you:

2010: A 2010 Retrospective looking back at a year of blogging in 2010. Retrospectively.

January 2010: Why should polar bears have all the fun?

Tempting fate and Mother Nature by taking an ice cold dip in the Pacific Ocean. If you think a person has to be mad to do it – you’re just about right on that. The madder the better.

Would I do it again? I guess you`ll find out in less than 2 weeks…

February 2010: Please, oh please, won’t you be my anti-valentine?

Inspired by love and all its BS, as well as this hilarious antivalentine’s day card courtesy of www.Meish.org/vd:

 

March 2010: End Game

Olympic Fever hit me as early as January and I had several posts on the Olympics over a 2 month period culminating in this final, sad entry. Olymmmmmpicsssss! Those who lived it just know. Those who didn’t could be better off not feeling the loss of a time when the city of Vancouver was engulfed, enthralled and enchanted by all that was and might never be again. Sigh. So as you can tell it’s a fun, uplifting post. 😉

April 2010: Supporting the Arts

Oh Septocus! How I wanted this great performance art piece to be bad. I’ve never been so happy to be disappointed in my life. (Contrarily, I really wanted this performance art to be good and it was…not that)

 

May 2010: I’ve got your future right here

I paid $40 to be told the equivalent of what I could have discovered using a Magic 8-ball. Thinking of getting your palm read and your crystals analyzed? Simply remove my name in this post and paste in yours. Bam! I just saved you $40.

June 2010: Love thy Father

My heartfelt salute to my most favouritest man in the world – Daddykins! Interestingly enough, he doesn’t read my blog – the bastard! 😉 Xoxo!

July 2010: Festivus of Beer

Ah yes, an alcoholic’s dream come true… Assuming the alcoholic liked beer. Unfortunately I don’t. Read on for the details of this living nightmare.

August 2010: Pie Times

22 pies to taste and one spork with which to do it. As any 12-year-old girl with an eating disorder would say: OMG. Get a napkin ready and read on about the best day of my life!

Pies as far as the eye can see! Wheeee!

September 2010: Peaceful Anarchy

Cycling for hours just for the hell of it. If we cause a little anarchy while we’re at it, so be it.

October 2010: The Grouse Grind®

Took on this bitch and it kicked my arse. Twice! Argh! I don’t take defeat very well. I’ll see you again in the spring, you sanctimonious whore! If you don`t know what the grouse grind is, count yourself lucky. And probably lazy. Yah you heard me. Take the challenge! 

November 2010: Wedding Fever

I finally learned about the fun in marriage Weddings! The glam; the photographers; the planning; the fun; the cake (oh my, the cake!); the party; the gifts; and the most important part of that day – the open bar! Marriages do not = weddings.  A wedding is the drug: an ecstasy pill coated in butter cream frosting, served with free flowing champagne.   Marriage is what comes after the drug fuelled, champagne high. Like the hangover if you will. heh heh heh. Hey, there’s always the simple cure (divorce) and then you can have another wedding, woo!

December 2010:

What? A 2010 retrospective looking back at a favourite blog from each month in 2010? What a great idea. 😉

Is this considered a paradox thingy?  Nope. Apparently it’s called Recursion. Learning is fun! (except when it isn’t)

December 2010 (the real one): `tis the season (pt II)

Get in the spirit with this handy guide that should motivate you to get off your couch!… or stay on it. I have tips for you lazy folks too. And yes, you’re welcome.

The Nigh at the End

There you have it. A non-comprehensive 2010 retrospective on the year 2010 (a retrospective).

What’s next for 2011? What’s next on the agenda? What will happen over the next 12 months? What predictions or speculations are on the horizon for the coming year? I haven’t a clue but after seeing that fortune teller back in May 2010, I do know one thing for sure:

Neither does she.

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Love thy Father

It’s Daddy’s Day everyone! However, I dislike it when the focus is shifted off of myself so let’s talk about something sorta father related but even more directly related to me: Daddy’s Little Girls.

Term:               Daddy’s Little Girl (DLG)

Genus:             Spoilus Brat-acus

Also known as: Princesses, little angles, precious darlings and other monikers that only add to their appeal (or repeal)

Age range: From birth till death

Telltale signs of a DLG:

If you’re looking in any bar that begins with “girls, girls, girls!” you won’t find them there. Ditto to anything offering shows for 25 cents (DLG’s would charge at least $1!) or any hotel offering ‘hourly rates’.

Easily recognizable by the pedestals they carry around (to stand on, in a pinch),  daddy’s little girls are all about self-respect. Their dads think they’re the greatest and can’t do any wrong and this reflects positively into many aspects of their daughter’s life. DLG’s are self confident, self-assured and have very high expectations. They’re the result of fathers who teach them to reach for the stars, never to accept anything less than what you’re worth (in gold) and to treat their bodies like temples (take off your shoes before entering, and for goodness’ sake, clean your feet first!).

Famous Daddy’s Little girls:

  • Chelsea Clinton
  • Ivanka Trump

Obvious girl with daddy issues:

  • Anna Nicole Smith (let’s hope Dannielynn is saved from this fate by her father)

Hey. Don’t look at me. There’s a reason the term “daddy issues” exists. I didn’t invent it, I’m just reporting on the facts, people.

Normally, I would get all philosophical and poetic about fathers and all that they do but I won’t because my father would hate all that sentimental crap. From dismissing the ‘idiot box’ (TV) for being filled with useless programs to his love of CNN and Fox News for their no-nonsense reporting, Daddy Dearest is a no-nonsense, get to the point, “why are you crying because it won’t solve anything”, ‘don’t waste his time on foolishness’ kind of guy (love him!).

So in his honour, let’s bypass the sugary coating and get right to the nougat filling. Why my dad can kick your dad’s arse:

Sh$t my dad says:

“They ain’t gonna pay my bills”

In response to why he lives his life the way he wants to and doesn’t care what other people think. I reflect on that whenever I need to make decisions for ME. Think about it. In life, you sometimes care too much about what other people say or think or feel about you. How many of those people whose acceptance you crave would pay your bills if you needed them too? Or pay your rent if you spent too much on some designer outfit to impress them?  Bottom line: Live your life!

Dad's favourite football team

“You’ll never get rich working for someone else”

Starting his own successful business years ago, he encourages others to discover their talents and use them to start their own companies. The government has numerous benefits and credits available to small businesses and it’s all legal and available if you look for it. My dad certainly has…

“Just drive your car…”

My dad’s theory on how we can all be better drivers. If people would drive properly and pay more attention to how they’re driving, we’d have fewer accidents. He would calmly direct this saying towards other drivers as they honk at him for using the exit ramps/on ramps to quickly slip ahead on congested highways.

“I’m ready to go, I’m just waiting on you…”

Notoriously tardy, we used to get dropped off to school mere seconds before the bell rang. He introduced us to the buzz and the excitement of the ‘Just made it” club. I am unfortunately now a lifetime member and have to work extra hard to get to places on time (apparently ‘on time’ and ‘early’ are 2 different things. Who knew?”)

“I’m not saying I’m perfect…”

Dad's favourite hockey team

This typically begins a long lecture into why he actually is. We nicknamed him “Mr. Perfect” soon after. Great marketing and I like to think I learned from the best. Teach others how you want to be viewed.

Some sayings from the other famous Sh$t my dad says guy: http://twitter.com/shitmydadsays

And finally…

Good fathers lead by example. My dad has been eating healthy since birth, has never had McDonalds or KFC and wouldn’t buy white bread “Even if that crap was 10 cents a loaf. Heck, even it was FREE I wouldn’t touch it”

FYI - One body belongs to my 59 year old dad & the other to my 33 year old brother

Good fathers get their kids great seats to baseball games, buy them hot dogs, popcorn, slushies and peanuts and don’t mind when their little girl brings a book along and reads it  during the entire championship game (I really was just there for the food, tee hee).

Good fathers don’t yell when a DLG gets into a car accident with their mother’s car (again…and again…and yes, again!) because they know a disappointed look is far more effective than disappointed  yelling (I’m sorry daddy! Wah!). Of course, joking to me afterwards that “thank goodness it’s always your mother’s car” might not be considered a ‘good husband” thing to say…

So here’s to all the good fathers out there who work hard, provide for and love their kids to death.

As Bill Cosby famously said (and my father repeatedly retells): I brought you into this world and I can take you out of it too.

Happy Daddy’s Day!