The Re-Olympics are here!

Yes, I’m making up words now too. It’s my unsubstantiated belief that after blogging for awhile, I should have some unofficial rights. Made-up right #1: The ability to create at least 1 word per year and hope it makes it into the nation’s lexicon.

Ahem. Now where was I? Ah yes,

The Re-Olympics: An attempt to bring back the unbridled excitement and elated emotions that once surrounded a city.

Exceptions: This phenomenon is only available in cities where the Olympics took place or where medal-winning Olympians were born. (Sorry loser cities but bite us!)

Let’s get to it

At long last the re-Olympics are here. I’ve been waiting a whole year for this unexpected opportunity and, as expected, it had unexpected results. Originally I thought I’d be forced to write another boring piece on Valentine’s Day (gag!…but see below post) but luckily the Re-Olympics saved me from that fateful task (for the record though, I do love any event involving an inordinate amount of chocolate and getting said chocolate in my belly).

The Re-Olympics are here

The Re-Olympics are the official one year anniversary celebrations of the 2010 Vancouver Winter Olympics. So much has been planned around this event too: stage shows, concerts, street parties, demonstrations, festivals, random hook-ups, etc. and I was happy to take part in every aspect of it. No matter how early the event, no matter what time the activities would start, I was going to be there.

The first event of the Re-Olympics was at the famed Robson Square. It was supposed to boast free ice-skating while a renowned DJ played some tunes.  Our sexy mayor was also going to make an appearance and play a round of hockey somewhere in the vicinity and all this was scheduled to start Saturday, February 12 @ 9:00 AM sharp. Waking up at the crack of 12:07 PM, I rushed to get ready, ate a quick 3-course breakfast and was quickly out the door in record time. A mere 2 hours and 45 minutes later. Phew. Good job me!

Checking the weather by actually walking out into the Vancouver monsoon, I got cold feet (literally) and almost turned back to the warmth and loving embrace of my comfy couch.
But no, gold medal winning athletes wouldn’t be turned off by a little mini hurricane and neither would I (plus I promised a friend so I was, like, legally bound). Some others weren’t so brave though. Our group of 10+ fanatics was whittled down to a scrappy group of four enthusiasts.

Not willing to stand around in sideways blowing rain, we intelligently sought shelter in a nearby bar. Over several hours and several pints (pints of vodka for me, of course) we reminisced on how we had all last gotten together during the original Olympics.  This prompted us to remember what we were actually here together today to do (oh yeah, the Re-Olympics!) and we stumbled out into gale force winds to get our celebration on.

But first, we detoured to a friend’s house for a few more drinks (boozy logic) and then finally arrived in the thick of it all (or what was left of the thick) just after 6pm.

The Re-Olympics

@ the Convention Centre:

Re-lit for the re-Olympics!

@ Robson Square:

Everyone who woke up after 3PM is here!

With performances by En Karma with South Asian Arts!

Ya I have no clue who they are either. Crowd loved em though!

On Granville Street:

I took a camera phone picture of a bus shelter picture of a camera picture taken from and @ the 2010 Olympics. Trippy.

Blurry shot: proof that vodka & photography don't mix

15 minutes too many

30 minutes later, the four of us were thoroughly Re-Olympic’d out (it’s quite a work out you know, trying to give strangers high-fives plus all that ridiculous ear-to-ear grinning). The atmosphere downtown was still high energy but the Olympians had already left, most of the events for the day were done and we heard rumours of a crazy group of four people who kept trying to give everyone high-fives with ridiculous grins on (how scary!).  After a brief discussion, we decided to save ourselves and agreed that the best place to celebrate a successful Canadian Olympics themed day was…at a nearby Australian bar.

hic.

All in all, the Re-Olympics were a great excuse to daytime drink spend some time with long lost friends and I can’t wait to celebrate the Re-Re-Olympics (start the movement now!) with this group (give or take a few million others) in 2012!

High five! 🙂

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A little something for all of you who want a little V-Day love… look no further (thanks to Virgin Mobile):

Dear whats-ur-face. I think ur not as bad as my other douche-bag. Luv, 'ol 2-timer.

and for those of you who don’t want any V-Day love:

Dear jerkface, I don't even care enough to fill in the blanks. We're through!

 

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Please, oh please, won’t you be my anti-valentine?

  • Milk chocolates in heart shaped boxes

    Don't mind if I do

  • Crayola crayons
  • Colouring books
  • Heart shaped pancakes
  • Sliced strawberries
  • Pink and red heart shaped jujubes
  • Silver heart necklaces
  • Pink and red flowers
  • Cards filled with love
  • Pink skipping ropes
  • and piles and piles of red cinnamon hearts

No, this isn’t a list compiled of gifts from lovers past (heck, it’s too dang short!). Instead, it’s a list of the fun stuff I remember waking up to every February 14th growing up.

At a young age, I equated Christmas to Valentine’s Day. Had someone suggested I write a letter to St Cupid, I might have done it. Those letters would certainly be different today: Dear cupid, I’ve been good (well good enough) this year. Please send me Morris Chestnut in boxer briefs. If he’s busy, then please send Antonio Sabato Jr…. sans briefs. Thank you.

My warm, fuzzy memories of February 14ths past are mostly good, warm, fuzzy ones. That’s what Valentine’s Day (hereby known as the ‘Day of Love’) means to me – gifts, goodies, hugs and smiles.

This is also why I never understood or got into the Anti-Valentine’s Day movement.

How can you be against a day meant for hearts and kisses and love and chocolates? Add alcohol to that equation and I’ll heart you for life.  Sure it’s commercialized to the max but so is Momma’s day and Poppa’s day and there’s no anti movement for those.

These anti Day of Love folks are wrong. Years of listening to their propaganda has never affected me or dampened my love-loving spirit. Even after a few failed Days of Love of my own (I loved, they failed) I’ve always been happy to believe that:

Life with love is grand!

Crushes are wonderful!

Everything’s great when love is in the air!

So happy was I to blindly believe it all. That is, up until today.

The set up

Who needs tall, good looking, highly educated and motivated men anyways, right? RIGHT?? What are the rules involved in this love thing anyway? I’m strong willed and independent, darn it. So if I like a guy, it should be okay to tell him that, right? Especially if I want to. Especially, especially if he tells you first. I want to text him and yell at him via text:

Sample Text: HEY! REMEMBER ME?!

The back story

I have, count em. 1,2, 3, THREE boys (men, blah, whatever) that I could call up right now and tell them to take me out for Valentines Day (hereby known as ‘that Day to Loathe’) and they would. I’m a strong willed, independent female and thus take what I want and leave back what I don’t (for examples, see boys 1 thru 3). Yet, of course, it’s boy #4 that I want. I probably want him more too because he’s completely ignoring me.

Sample text: STOP IGNORING ME!

Damn him for being so gorgeous. Argh. I’ve never liked pretty boys and with good reason too.   Tall, pretty ones with hard bodies, sinewy muscles, and deep dark eyes that you can just sink into, in particular. Those are the ones to watch out for. Add to that  – great looking mouths and amazing lips. The kind you just want to kiss for a long, long time.  Sigh.

Yah, who needs all THAT?  Not me I tells ya. I don’t need it at all.  NOT ME!

Sample text: I NEED YOU. CALL ME!

Sure boys 1 thru 3 range from beer goggles good looking to actually good looking but personality is key for me. Your personality is what shines thru and makes you amazing. I would happily take a bubbly Jack Black over a surly Brad Pitt any day. (Disclaimer: This assumes that Brad Pitt is surly, which he is not. This is just in case Brad is reading this. Brad, if you’re reading this and recently single – call me.) So if our personalities don’t mesh well (this means you bore me and fail to amuse me on any level) then there’s no future for us as anything (it’s definitely not me, it’s soooo you).

Which brings us to today

Perfectly timed, while searching once again thru life’s new testament (aka the Internet), I came across uncalled-for advice by way of the release of a new book titled Marry Him: The Case for Settling for Mr. Good Enough.  In it, the author advices how to find one really good, but imperfect, partner and to build up his equity (read: change him) over the years to match your ideal.  This inspired me to do a quick online search of “Are your standards too high?” Turns out most people’s standards actually are unreasonably higher than should be expected.

My (revised) ideal guy:

  1. I guess he doesn’t have to be tall
  2. Good looking? To each his own and in the eye of the beerholder and all that. Uniqueness reigns supreme.
  3. I can certainly bend the rules on physically fit. More to love, right?
  4. I never said rich but being successful or good at something would be nice. I guess just wanting to be good at something would work
  5. Funny? Good sense of humour? I can be funny enough for the two of us (Hope you like sarcasm…No, that wasn’t meant to be sarcastic)
  6. Adventurous? Adventure could equal danger. Perhaps it’s best that he stays home and in one spot.

In review

Looks like what I should be searching for in my ideal starter guy is an unfunny, unsuccessful, ugly, short, fat wannabe who’s good at nothing. Hmmmm. I do love a challenge so this is certainly tempting but to be honest I would have to say that if this is the case then forget it.

I’d rather be single.

Image sources:

bite me
Valentine’s Day sucks
Leave the psycho
VD Card

How to pick up guys and other inanimate objects

Being single definitely kicks ass sometimes.  It’s fun to do what you want whenever you want and just because you want to do it.  Just to be clear: I’m not putting down boyfriends, fiancés, lovers and/or husbands because they’re great sometimes too. And I should know, I was just dating someone’s fiancé last week- and they were great! (Just kidding)

Bottom line: I enjoy being single right now.

After all, my ‘About Me’ section says I’m ‘fun-loving’ and can you still be ‘fun-loving’ if you’re in a relationship? I mean a serious relationship too. Not those relationships you have just to get your rent/mortgage paid and meals bought/made. Those are definitely good relationships (I highly recommend) but by no means are they serious. In fact, the only places I’ve seen ‘fun-loving’ used to describe a couple is when they try to describe themselves (inaccurate) or when they post online to find another ‘fun loving’ couple to join them (inappropriate).

Enter my future life partner. I always assumed fate and God’s universal plan would work their magic and I had no intention of intervening with that. However, this past Saturday I was told the worst possible news that a single, beautifully aging, childless daughter can hear from her loving, beautifully aging, defeated parents:

“Hi sweetie, good to hear from you too. Oh and by the way, we’re spending your inheritance.”

Eeeeep! They’ve given up on me finding ‘the one’ and have instead decided to improve ‘the one’ house they own. My wedding fund has been turned into new flooring in the front hallway, kitchen, and living room; new cabinets in the kitchen and an updated fully functional main floor bathroom. Funds that would’ve been invested in the future education of my offspring (their grandchildren) has instead been invested in the 42″ LCD flat screen TV in the family room and a new, state-of-the-art, silent dishwasher in the kitchen. Hopefully in the future you can pay for University fees with DVDs and clean China.

Spurred into action, I realize I have very little time to secure old what’s-his-face (aka the love of my life) in time to cash in. Cruise season in hotter climates is fast approaching and Canada’s  only getting colder by the second. This needs to be resolved ASAP before visions of 5-star getaways start dancing in their heads.  This is motivation like no other to find that special starter marriage guy.

To be quite honest (and as I’ve mentioned before I HAVE to be), as a single, fun loving female, I really don’t see myself as an expert in this area. I date regularly and have a great group of guy/girl friends with whom I have a ton of fun. Some of my girlfriends think that I know the tricks and tips to this and have routinely asked me how to meet guys and to share with them all I know. I always laugh it off and run down my top 5:

  1. Smile – Surprisingly, many people don’t do this.
  2. Be happy – It’s a state of mind.
  3. Love and respect yourself – Trust this, it shows.
  4. Watch your posture – Crossed arms, slouching, hands on hips, clenched fists?? Like c’mon. Unless you’re a surly teen, get over this.
  5. Showcase your assets – everyone has ‘em: Great smile? Beautiful eyes? Long legs? Show. Them. Off.

What’s that? Don’t think a single gal knows what she’s talking ‘bout Willis? Hey, I’ve rejected 3 serious wedding proposals in my lifetime (4 if I count the cab driver I met in Estonia this past summer and I dooooo!). True, this might not make me an expert in this area and might just mean I’m either overly picky and/or the guys who asked weren’t picky enough, lol!

Jokes aside, this mission (Operation: Love(?)/Marry/Collect) is very serious and I’ll need to bring in the big guns on this one. Turning to God’s newest testament, the Internet, I’ve narrowed down the search to four possible quick-fix Saviors:

#1. eHarmony.com

eh-logo

 

We’ve all seen the ads. Whether you want to believe it or not- gorgeous, TV-ready people need help finding love too.

 

TAG LINE: ‘Fall in love for all the right reasons’

WHY THEM: Large database of potential love matches. They claim a high rate of long-term relationship success because ‘you’re matched based on 29 Dimensions® of compatibility that are crucial for relationship success.’

PRO: eHarmony does the matching for you and sends the info directly to you, using their 29 Dimensions® of compatibility test.

CON: None of those dimensions include ‘good looking’ or ‘has all his teeth’. Personalities only and some of us are shallow. Plus you can only view whomever eHarmony says is for you.  No peaking at anyone else (I wanna  have what she’s having).

My Thoughts: I’m curious myself to see what these dimensions are and who I’d be paired with. I wonder if you can even parlay this to all relationships – office mates, friends, family, etc. Imagine using these compatibility tests with your coworkers or siblings. That would certainly shake up office life/family dinners.

 

#2. EventsAndAdventures.comevents_and_adventures_logo

The idea is to get out there and meet new people in a fun, exciting environment. Takes people out of their everyday and into something new.

TAG LINE: ‘In order to meet someone interesting, you have to do something interesting.’

WHY THEM:  ‘Each event is designed so that people with common interests can get together in a relaxed environment to socialize and have fun’

PRO: Cool! Wow! Fun times. Skiing, horseback riding, kayaking, rock climbing, oh my!

CONs: Can you wear heels, full makeup and a skirt for the rock climbing part? It might be hard to impress when you can’t dress to impress. No personality tests or bios to browse.  You have to ask the person all those questions right to their face.

My Thoughts: Cool! Wow! Fun times! My desire to participate in these fun activities may outweigh my desire to actually meet Mr. Right. Where are the horsies??? I wanna ride one now!

#3. PlentyOfFish.com

plenty of fishTAG LINE: Uhh…there are ‘plenty of fish’ out there.  Go get one.

WHY THEM: It’s a free service that puts the power of finding your ‘one and only’ in your hands. You do the searching, you do the messaging, you do it all. Ranks as high as paid sites in many areas.

PRO: You can view info on whomever you want, wherever they are.

CON: It’s a free site. Its also well known that you typically get what you pay for…

My thoughts: The website doesn’t strike me as professional. It looks like some college kid in his parent’s basement designed it. (Hey, turns out that it was a college kid!)

#4. Match.com

matchdotcom

TAGLINE: Find love. Guaranteed.

WHY THEM: ‘With the click of a mouse, members can instantly see photos and read about potential matches in their area.’ Full profiles and up to 26 photos per profile for a full view and better understanding of your potential new mate.

PRO: They guarantee true love in 6 months. How perfect is that? My Wedding will be scheduled for right after the 2010 Olympics.

CON: If you don’t find true love in 6 months, you get 6 MORE months for free. Hey, wait a minute…

My thoughts: The ‘guarantee’ alone has me backing away.

 

So there you have it. My future husband is somewhere out there in cyberspace waiting for me.  With all the never ending options, I’m almost tempted to go the old fashioned route: wearing a sign on the street that says ‘Will marry for $$$’. It’s one way to guarantee that we at least have one dimension in common – greed.

Oh and in regards to picking up other inanimate objects, similarly and depending on size- you just need to make sure you bend at the knees and keep your back straight.

 

 

Now, help me choose:

Operation: Love(?)/Marry/Collect


For the Love of Food

April 2010 from NelleyTimes: Want a chance to win free money for a few minutes of your time? Go here and let me know what you think. Thanks friend!

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He said: Hey, do you wanna go for a walk sometime?? chickenwings
Me said: Yeah sure…I guess so…

He said: Ok, what about a movie instead?
Me said: Hmmm okay, we could maybe do that…

He said: Alright, what about for dinner. Do you like chicken wings? We could go out for some beer and some wings?
Me said: Should we go now? I can drive if you don’t have a car. What did you say your name was again? No time now to answer, you can tell it to me on the way! Hop in, let’s go!

I. Love. Guys. Not for their strength, not for their character, not for the way their broad shoulders fill out sports jerseys, not even for the way they fill out a great pair of jeans. Nope. What I love most about guys is what they eat. And the way they eat. And especially how much they eat. Even now my heart flutters just thinking about all the foods I can nibble off their plates: mounds of nachos with melted cheese, gravy covered french fries, greasy meatball subs and baby back ribs covered in a sweet, sweet BBQ sauce. Mmmmmm.

Guys are never on diets. Well at least not the ones I date. Mine stay relatively fit either at the gym, staying active with friends or more commonly by some cruel cosmic joke in which they can eat what they want and not gain weight. They have guy’s bodies and they love ‘em and I love ‘em for it. I also admire their inherent confidence and their ability to wear loose clothing all year round as per the wardrobe society has allotted to them which, when worn properly, is never skin tight. You can hide a lot of extra meat under a guy’s wardrobe.

Of course I love my girlfriends as well but all too often what and where we eat is determined by who’s currently on which fad diet and how much they ate the previous day/week/month or in seventh grade (baby fat has no expiry date). I also recognize that I’m especially guilty of this. For example, save for a special occasion, there’s no way I’d go out for a big meal within the week after Thanksgiving dinner. That’s a Dieting 101 no-no. Plus it’s just plain crazy! However, I do love my girls because I can eat a large salad for dinner with them  and they’d understand why I’m not also having a Porterhouse steak on the side.

This gender separation is even more evident when you look at products marketed to each. Men’s magazine Maxim routinely features articles such as Best Stadium Food, posts recipes on how to make such ‘light’ fare as Macaroni, Cheese and Mini–Hot Dog Tiramisu and then there’s their annual Food Awards, which also had an award for the ‘Best use of duck fat’. Conversely, over at Cosmopolitan, a decidedly women focused magazine, I can easily learn how to Drop 5 Pounds in a Week, and about The 10 Best Weight-Loss Tips Ever. I’ve yet to read the Cosmo articles but I’ll bet anything that neither includes ‘duck fat’ and how best to use it.

Oftentimes, going out for dinner with a guy is a whole new experience in cuisine: You want to put Italian sausage, ham, salami, bacon, ground beef and pepperoni on ONE pizza? Can they even do that? Cheddar cheese on a thick slice of deep-dish apple pie? Never heard of it but I’m happy to try it off your plate. A cream sauce on the steak with a fully loaded baked potato on the side?? Well if you’re going to have it then I’ll definitely have to try it!

My meal predilection is not limited to dates either. My good friends know (and probably hate) this one trait of mine. Whenever I’m invited over for dinner, the first question I’ll ask is: What’s on the menu? Sure I want your company and yes I’d like to catch up with you and of course I can’t wait to see you too but still…can you run that menu by me again?

So yes, I date mainly for the food and see nothing wrong with this. The way to my heart is definitely through his stomach. Young or old, rich or not as rich – I’m an equal opportunity dater and whoever brings forth the tastiest dish will undoubtedly deserve all my love and affection. And should my next date order a plate of deep fried macaroni and cheese, he may just be my soul mate.

I think I’m in love!

Deep Fried Mac & Cheese

The Three-Way Conundrum

Meeting up with an ex recently, I quickly learned two things: #1 – He’s either not over me or he really, Really, REALLY wants to show me how ‘over me’ he is and #2 – He’s having three-ways with his new girlfriend.

I think I was supposed to be jealous and embittered by his revelation but my natural curiosity simply had me questioning how they went about making it happen in the first place. Perched on the edge of my seat, I berated him with question after question: Male or female? How do you find them? What are the rules? Are there any rules? Your house or a hotel? Why stop at a 3-way when a 4-way or 5-way is more original? Most importantly – what’s the appropriate level of alcoholism required to carry it all out?

My ex, genuinely taken aback and surprised by my interest, stammered out answers to all my questions. It turns out that the third person in their ménage-a-trois typically belongs to an exclusive group that I like to categorize as ‘anyone’. Any female tipsy enough at an after hours club and willing to ‘try something new’ at least.

What actually surprised me was that he’d only been dating the girl for two months before they started bringing in a ringer. So either he’s not enough for her or she’s not enough for him, HA! (Ok, definitely a vengeful ex comment on my part, sorry!)

Previously, he and I had joked about it, talked about it and even laughed aloud about possible third parties. I would veto choosing amongst my friends (several of whom he would have liked to include) and he did the same amongst his (and trust me, he had some cuties in his posse, woo!). He even went so far as to try to find a suitable third in the ever-discriminating online world (I heavily vetoed). The discussions were always fun, always ended in giggles and always stayed far, far away from reality in the safe realm of fantasy. Also, all of these discussions took place 2+ years into our relationship and after our 500th date, not after barely a month of getting to know each other.

So is this new school? Old school? Is everyone doing it and I’m simply out of fashion? And to think that I thought I was cool when I bought my new designer purse (my first!). Apparently if I was really cool I would have asked the cashier and her male colleague over to my place to celebrate my new purchase with lots of free pouring champagne.

As the ex-girlfriend, I’m not sure what a suitable reaction is in this situation. I would assume it should range anywhere from “Ewwww gross!” to “Hey, if you ever need a third…” Instead, I am genuinely happy for them and am pleased they’ve found a shared interest in perfect strangers and hope they grow closer over their decisions regarding random hook-up spots. After all, according to experts, making decisions together and sharing common interests are the pillars to any lasting relationship.

All the best!